It was 2009 when I welcomed another girl into the world. Only 14 months after the birth of our youngest. Yet this angel was a miracle in a whole different way. She was a surrogate baby for a couple unable to have children of their own. That day in November 2009 another piece of healing fell into place.
With a broken heart I watched my younger sister battle infertility for many years. I felt 'guilty' pregnant with my first and even more full of guilt considering the decisions I made to abort my children only a few years prior. My heart grieved for her and the loss she felt. After years and numerous fertility treatments, my niece was conceived. To be born in April of 2008. Thankful, grateful and peaceful.
Through the struggles of my sister my heart was led to surrogacy. God opened my eyes to women across the globe struggling to conceive, so many of them, so much hurt. My guilt was replaced with my desire to help. My first surrogacy journey was amazing, uplifting and truly a miracle in every sense. To see the eyes of the mother in the OR with me for delivery when she saw her child for the first time was a sight I will never forget. Truly amazing, truly moving. It was not long into my first surrogacy I felt convinced at some point in time to carry one last child for a couple longing for a miracle.
Typing this I am 14 weeks pregnant today with not one but 2 amazing little miracles of life. Somehow in my mind the birth of 3 surrogate children to provide a instant family to grieving souls wishing and praying to become parents has helped to heal a deep rooted pain. It was 3 lives I selfishly took so many years ago and 3 lives I will have brought into existence (God willing) so many years later. In the eyes of our Savior, my sins have already been washed clean. No good works or acts guarantee my salvation, for accepting Him into my life has already sealed my fate to be with Him. What my surrogacy journeys have done is offer inner peace to my hurting soul. To bring comfort to others hurting. To show the love of God to another. And to add just another small piece of healing to my wounds.
Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. -Psalm 127:3
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